Secrets like wine

Kate says:

Secrets grow deeper with age. Their roots twine around and through all the parts of my life till I can't extract the secret without becoming less of who I've grown to be around it. So when they are part of me, are they still secrets?

All I have is who I am and my faith. I was not born into fortune, nor fame. I have been educated in a moderate fashion, but have not the inclination to pursue university degrees. I've carved a niche for myself. I have a steady job. A good job that I enjoy, but it not a career that will ever be more than it is.

All I have is who I am and my faith. I am this woman. This woman who is quiet and sad sometimes. Who loves laughter, but can as easily cry when something wounds her. This woman who has worked to be dependable, solid, kind, loyal, creative and innovative. This woman who fails at these things at times. Who readily achieves mediocrity, and accepts it. A woman who tries to remind herself that however life turns God is there, and she must keep Him at the centre of it.

I am this woman, and this week has been like a scrape of a steel bristles across my pride. I've been reduced, like fruit syrup in a saucepan, and my over-boiling point is always dangerously close at hand.

Enough on the things I have been moody about today. Back to jam. I was in a conversation with one of my willing taste testers this morning, and she said "You must give me the recipe."

I struggle with saying no. I over-commit or over-promise and end up burning out and resenting everyone and everything (particularly myself). But even so I baulked at this request. These little pots of jam are creations that I've put work and thought into. Labours of love, if you will.

It's not a yummy salad or hearty stew that is good for the entire world to know how to make, but these are special to me. I've been making jam like a woman possessed. I have Sangria Jam, Walnut and Coffee Jam (more like a spread, to be honest), Apricot Vanilla Jam and Lemon, Carrot and Cumin Jam. I'm about to play with an idea for a Ginger/Coriander/Chilli jam, inspired by last night's tongue scorching exercise at a Mexican place and the coriander/ginger margarita. I keep notes so I can replicate anything that works; but these are born from my lifetime of mucking about with herbs, spices and unusual flavour combinations. Sometimes I just know what will work... it's not trial and error, but inspiration and instinct. Besides, these jams are jam-packed (pardon the pun) with sugar. I don't think I want to encourage diabetic comas by giving out recipes.

I don't know. I'll think about the idea of sharing my notes. In the meantime, how does Cardamon, Honey and Mandarin sound?